Emotions and Cancer

These feelings are all normalExplain▾

Just as cancer affects your physical health, it can bring up a wide range of emotions you're not used to dealing with. It can also make existing feelings seem more intense. They may change daily, hourly, or even minute to minute. This is true whether you're in treatment, done with treatment, or a friend or family member. These feelings are all normal.

The values you grew up with often affect how you cope. Some people feel they have to be strong; others seek support from loved ones or other survivors, ask for help from counselors, or turn to their faith. Whatever you decide, do what's right for you—and try not to compare yourself with others.

Feeling overwhelmedExplain▾

When you first learn you have cancer, it's normal to feel as if your life is out of control—your routine is disrupted, people use terms you don't understand, and you may feel helpless.

Even so, there are ways to take charge. It may help to learn as much as you can about your cancer and its treatment. The more you know, the more in control you'll feel. Ask questions, and don't be afraid to say when you don't understand. For some people, it helps to focus on things they enjoy, such as music, crafts, or reading, when they have the energy.

Fear, worry, and anxietyExplain▾

It's scary to hear that you have cancer. You may fear pain, changes in how you look, or worry about family, bills, your job, or dying. To cope with fear, it often helps to be informed—most people feel better once they learn the facts.

Anxiety means extra worry, trouble relaxing, and feeling tense. You might notice a rapid heartbeat, headaches, changes in appetite, or trouble sleeping or concentrating. If you have these feelings, talk to your doctor to make sure they aren't due to medicines or treatment, and ask about counselors, support groups, or stress-reduction classes.

Hope and gratitudeExplain▾

Once people accept that they have cancer and settle into treatment, they often feel a sense of hope. There are many reasons to feel hopeful—millions of people who have had cancer are alive today, and people with cancer can lead active lives, even during treatment.

Some people also feel gratitude, seeing cancer as a "wake-up call" to enjoy the little things. Pay attention to what makes you smile each day, whether that's a good cup of coffee, time with a child, or a talk with a friend.

AngerExplain▾

It's very normal to ask "Why me?" and feel angry—at the cancer, and sometimes at providers, healthy friends, or loved ones. Anger often comes from feelings that are hard to show, like fear or helplessness.

You don't have to pretend everything is okay; keeping anger inside isn't healthy. Talk with your family and friends, or ask your doctor to refer you to a counselor.

Sadness and depressionExplain▾

Many people with cancer feel sad, sensing a loss of their health and the life they had before. For some, these feelings lessen over time. But for others they grow stronger and get in the way of daily life. This may mean depression—a common but treatable condition.

If you have signs of depression for more than 2 weeks, talk to your doctor. Signs include lasting sadness, feeling hopeless or worthless, losing interest in things you enjoy, sleep or appetite changes, and thoughts of hurting yourself.

If you have thoughts of suicide, dial 911 in an emergency, or call, text, or chat 988 to reach the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Loneliness and guiltExplain▾

People with cancer often feel lonely or distant from others—friends may not know what to say, or you may feel too sick to do things you enjoy. This can happen after treatment ends too. Look for emotional support in whatever way feels right, whether a close friend, a counselor, or a support group.

Guilt is common too. People may blame themselves for upsetting loved ones, missing work, or lifestyle choices. Remember: having cancer is not your fault. No one knows why some people get cancer and others don't.

More ways to copeExplain▾

• Express your feelings, by talking or writing them down.
• Don't blame yourself for your cancer.
• Don't force yourself to be upbeat if you're not.
• You choose when to talk about your cancer.
• Find ways to relax, like meditation, guided imagery, or relaxation exercises.
• Be as active as you can, with exercise or gentle yoga.
• Find hobbies and creative outlets you enjoy.
• Learn to manage side effects, since physical symptoms can affect your emotions.
• Look at what you can control, like keeping appointments and setting a daily schedule.